Writing Prompt #3: French curse

Where in a dialogue prompt of “So, do you always swear in French?” becomes an excuse to be incredibly lewd in two languages.

“So, do you always swear in French,” I asked calmly.

“Va te faire foutre[1],” she spat without looking in my direction and took another long pull from her beer.

“I personally prefer Mandarin, but you’re doing the French a great service there. I can practically feel the baguette crumbs underfoot.”

“Ta Gueule![2]” she bellowed, now turned to face me.

“Gun HOE-tze bee DIO-se[3],” I snarled back, glad to finally have engaged her in my favorite game. She didn’t disappoint.

“Brûle en l’enfer![4]” she growled. We were fully engaged now. Our noses inches and our eyes burning holes in each other. A war of vulgar wit declared.

“It isn’t hot enough to burn me you shee niou[5] whore,” I shot back.

“I’m not surprised, you filthy fils de pute[6],” she replied, venom and derision dripping from every syllable.

“Shun-SHENG duh gao-WAHN![7]” I crowed unable to maintain the straight face. I doubled over laughing.

At my undoing she smiled broadly but with a smug curve to her filthy mouth.

“I was going to run out of material soon if you didn’t cave, but I didn’t,” she explained now purring with delight.

“No, you didn’t,” I agreed. “You got my text?”

“Get the kids at my mom’s house by 8…I know,” she answered over her shoulder as she went back into the house from the back patio where I’d found her when I got home from work.

“Hey honey, what’s for dinner?” I called after her following in her wake. I heard a French laced invective and the sound of a beer bottle slamming down on the counter. I smile.

“You are jing chai[8]! You know that, right” I ask her as I walk into the kitchen.

“Of course I do, you stupid salaud[9],” she answered, her eyes lighting back up with fire.

Round two.


[1] “Go fuck yourself”

[2] “Shut up”

[3] “Have a shit throwing contest with a monkey”

[4] Burn in hell!

[5] Cow sucking

[6] Son of a slut

[7] Holy testicle Tuesday

[8] Brilliant

[9] Bastard

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